Do you miss life before you had kids? It’s normal!
Everyone knows that life changes drastically with the arrival of a child, and for many young mothers, these changes can be a difficult trial. That’s why many women miss their pre-baby life in the first few months. One mother shares her feelings during this period, filled with longing for the past.
It took me five years to get pregnant. Those five long years of uncertainty completely exhausted me—physically and emotionally. Through tears, I begged the universe to bless me with a child. I promised that I would never stop appreciating this gift and would cherish every second of motherhood.
My plea was entirely sincere. I truly didn’t understand the seemingly unfeeling mothers who acted as if a child was a heavy burden they wanted to shed. How could you desire children and then only think about taking a break from them?
A few years later, I fully understood those mothers. By then, I had a three-year-old and a newborn, both of whom I deeply loved, but I was utterly consumed by them. Their needs always came before mine. I neglected myself because I was always the last on my list of priorities, focusing entirely on the well-being of my children. I walked around with my hair in a ponytail, no makeup, and wore t-shirts with stretched necklines from breastfeeding, stained with spit-up, snot, pureed prunes, and other such things.
By this point, I fully felt how much life changes after having a child.
I couldn’t fit into my old jeans, and it bothered me terribly. Dressy shoes and blouses gathered dust in the closet—after all, my only “outing” was a trip to the supermarket. And even that took all my strength. I had to wrestle with car seats, diapers, manage the kids, and constantly say “no.” On top of that, I patiently answered endless questions like why a sliced banana couldn’t be made whole again.
All of this (and so much more) made me miss my life before kids.
One evening, my single, childless friend called me and began comparing our lives with a hint of sadness. It was a classic case of “the grass is greener on the other side.” “I’m so tired of living alone,” she sighed. “I come home after work, quickly cook myself something to eat, and sometimes just go to a restaurant by myself. Then I spend the whole evening watching TV because I have nothing else to do.” She then complained that weekends had become monotonous too, as she always met the same friends at the same bars and restaurants. In short, she was tired of the routine.
My friend wasn’t saying all this to gloat. She genuinely envied my life, filled with family duties and love. However, I heard something entirely different in her words. She talked about feeling lonely and bored. To me, it sounded like she was listing all the things I had lost. The quiet. The ability to eat what I wanted without having to consider anyone else’s needs or chop things into tiny pieces or cool them down. The ability to sit and watch TV without being interrupted. Heck, even just going to the bathroom in peace! The freedom to go wherever I wanted without worrying about who would watch the kids, and without feeling guilty for going somewhere without them and spending money on myself instead of on diapers.
My friend resented her freedom, while I had none of it left after the birth of my first child.
To me, her words felt like a lottery winner complaining about being too rich. I pretended to sympathize with her, but then… I hung up the phone and cried. And then I felt guilty for wanting to take a break from motherhood and cried even more. My old promises to the universe echoed in my head: “I will never want to leave my child, not even for a minute.”
At that time, I didn’t understand (and that’s the point!) that being tired doesn’t make me a bad mom—getting tired is normal. The period after a child is born is a marathon, a test of endurance. So why should we react to it differently than to any other challenges? We never get days off, even when we’re sick. After sleepless nights, we work full speed ahead—because we simply have no choice. Without blinking an eye, we constantly do things that would disgust our childless friends. And that’s not even counting the emotional burden of motherhood—the constant worries and anxieties, the realization of immense responsibility, the fear of doing something wrong.
Of course, we get tired. And of course, we miss the freedom we had, when we could put our own needs first and take care of ourselves above all else.
Yes, we’re moms, but we’re also human, susceptible to exhaustion just like everyone else who does hard work. Because life with a child often becomes a series of challenges. And the fact that we miss who we were before having children doesn’t mean we don’t love and adore our kids. It means that we love ourselves too, and there’s nothing wrong with that. In fact, it’s essential for our well-being and the well-being of our families.
If you, moms, feel exhausted and dream of a break—don’t blame yourself for it. Remember that you are still young women, essentially the same as before, no matter how much your life has changed after having a child.